Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Chapter 1 - The King Didn't Make a Decision (3)

“So why did somebody steal your lamp if they knew that they couldn’t use it?” someone ventured to ask.

“They obviously didn’t know. I had a new remote-pager alarm fitted and would have known if anyone intended to touch or rub the lamp. The alarm enabled me to avoid unwanted visitors. Unfortunately I was away at the annual Genie’s Conference for the night. I got incurably drunk and threw up all over this delightful young stripper who knocked me over the head with a puke basin, which I should originally have used, and when I came to my lamp was gone and a number of people had puked on my head where the basin left a most accurate impression.”

For a while everyone was thinking furiously. Not being used to thinking, it took them some time to comprehend the situation. Tom the Fool helped them out with flash cards. The first one stated: No lamp. The second followed with: No genie. The grand finale came with: No Landscape! The orchestra started up a slow funeral march and Tom flashed them again, this time in quicker succession. At last most of the assembled numbskulls had grasped the facts in relative degrees of clarity. The Darn Duke Dimwit, finally aware that he was deprived of his moment in the limelight a while ago, ventured to say something momentous.

“We must do something!” he quoted freely from Everyman’s Guide to Commonly-used Phrases.

The King looked at him with some surprise.

“Really? Well, I suppose you’re right. We’ll organise a think tank, divide into task groups and set up a commission to investigate the viability of doing something. Yes, let me see…if we really set our minds to it, we may just finish within six months’ time. Wonderful! Perfect!”

The plan obviously appealed. Everyone conversed in excited whispers. By this time Genius had literally tied himself into a big bow tie. That clearly indicated the severity of the matter. Genius had done this only once before and that was largely due to a stuck zipper. The last time it took him three days to untie himself and then he had to stay in bed for a week due to a strained muscle. Now he raised his voice and shouted so loudly that his whole bow tied body lit up with attractive red polka dots. It is worth noting that red polka dots were the fashion in Landscape for three years afterwards.

“No!” shouted Genius. “We have to get my lamp back! Within three months I will be reduced to a puff of strawberry flavoured smoke. Don’t you care?”

This started a new rush of voices. Did they care? Did they really care? Maybe they should assign task groups to investigate this new, very interesting debate brought to the table by Genius. By this time Genius’s polka dots had assumed a livid blue-green colour vaguely reminiscent of the colour of the liver of a week-dead alcoholic lizard in a swamp. It was clear that he was on the point of a total breakdown. At last Tom the Fool raised his voice and managed to calm everyone with a single sentence.

“I think we should inform YAP!”

For a moment everyone was quiet. Then the King looked at Tom and asked in an off-hand way:

YAP?”

4 comments:

Nagolore said...

L.S.,
Wandering in blogcounty I discovered (by coincidence?)your blog. So I discovered your intriguing story...
Looks like a beautiful story is developing...
Go on writing...I'll go on reading...
Grts. Nagolore.
www.bloggen.be/nagolore

Gert said...

Thanks. Not sure where this story is going. I think the first chapter is about to end...
PS Interesting blog on www.bloggen.be/nagolore (being Afrikaans I can understand most of what is written there)

The HR Partner said...

UITSTEKEND!!
Werklik 'n wonderlike stuk literatuur. Ek is besonder mal oor die gelykstellings. "Week dead lizzard" indeed...

Wag in spanning vir die res!!

Nagolore said...

You see, I am not the only one who's waiting for...more!
Nederlands: Zie je wel! Ik ben niet de enige die wacht op...meer!

Ondertussen vriendelijke groeten.