Monday, September 18, 2006

Chapter 2 - Tom's Foolery (4)

Without being unduly prejudiced and with the agreement that these opinions are subject to change without prior notice or any good reason, let’s survey the two agents of Landscape’s elite secret organisation.

Dexter was of average height, whatever that may mean. He was a bit touchy about his length and no-one dared call him Shorty without being armed to the teeth – except his mother, of course. Dexter had the third highest intelligence in Landscape, after Genius and Tom. He was a serious young man and had been a serious young child. He had suffered no early childhood traumas and had developed no curious fixations although he tended to be melancholy about his Bonny over the ocean at times. No-one knew what he was talking about. Apart from this idiosyncrasy, Dexter lived an average life. He played a round of golf frequently and only cheated now and then. He loved reading comics, especially Garglefield, and his favourite drink was Slap in the Face. Slap in the Face is a rather interesting drink. The potential drinker would walk up to a person of the opposite sex and make a suggestive, offensive, rude remark about something very personal of that person. The latter would respond by slapping the insulting potential drinker several times through the face after which both would apologise profusely and exchange drinks.

Sinister was the exact opposite of Dexter. He was tall with extremely long arms and huge hands. Sinister had the third lowest intelligence in Landscape, before Grue and the Queen’s Corgi, now sadly deceased. He had been dumb as a child and he was dumb as an adult. If he had suffered any life-changing traumas at an early stage he had been too dim-witted to realise it. Sinister had no interests, except that of breathing although Dexter sometimes asked Sinister to caddy for him. His favourite drink was Dumbstruck. Dumbstruck, a drink now abolished in most countries, was a very intelligent beverage. It had the ability to rush straight to the drinker’s brain, paralysing all the cells in its path for an indeterminate period of time. In Sinister’s case it had little effect, as there weren’t that many cells to start with. If any sinister meanings had been attached to his name, Sinister would have been the last to hear of them.

Tom and Genius quietly went up to Dexter and Sinister and persuaded them to leave their favourite pastime for a few moments. Together they went into The Drowning Duck, a quiet pub, empty because of the crowd in front and behind the club across the street, but hopeful that the screamers will soon need alcoholic refreshment.

They talked throughout the night, mostly because Sinister had difficulty grasping the object of their quest. At last, when the birds started singing and little animals came crawling from their homes in search of a place to relieve themselves (usually another animal’s home), Dexter and Sinister agreed to the great task placed before them. Were they thrilled at the prospect of leaving peace, tranquillity, boredom and strangely closed nightclubs, to go searching for something that would most probably get them killed? We shall never know. What we do know, was that words were whispered by Tom that brought up images of marriage to Grue. Was this blackmail? Yes, but for the sake of peace, tranquillity and boredom, we shall call, it Reasonable Persuasion.

Thus reasonably persuaded, Dexter and Sinister prepared to leave on their quest for the Genie’s lamp.

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