Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Chapter 5 - The Town of Distant Relevance (3)

Inside they peered into the darkness, their eyes adjusting from the bright sunlight outside. Suddenly a voice boomed from the bowels of the earth:

“Four million three hundred and twenty six!”

This seemed so normal for their surroundings that, apart from a slight jump, they quickly recovered and spotted a receptionist sitting behind what appeared to be a desk littered with crumpled pieces of paper.

“Hood hay, how hay hi help hou?” the receptionist proclaimed proudly but with some trouble. She seemed to have read her words from a piece of paper hidden below the desk.

“Er, what?” asked Sinister.

“How hay hi help hou?” she persisted. “His here homething hong hith hou?”

The curtains behind the receptionist opened and a middle-aged creature resembling a female appeared.

“Good day, dears,” she said in a soothing voice. “How may we help you?”

“Er, your receptionist seems to be in need of help first, don’t you think?” said Sinister.

“Oh no, she’s practising her ‘h’s’ today, that’s all. Here we try to teach all our staff the importance of semantics, picking up those hidden meanings behind the slightest slip of the tongue. The best way to do that is to become aware of how we take our language for granted. All her words will start with ‘h’ today. If she doesn’t slip up, we can move on to ‘i’ tomorrow.”

“How long has she been here, then?”

“Oh, about two years now. But enough about us. How can we assist you.”

“Well, we’re here to see Hucklenose…”

“Oh, my dears, you must be new in town! Dear Herbert Hucklenose passed away a number of years ago. TTD, you know.”

“TTD?”

“Wow, you ARE new around here. Hucklenose first identified that terrible malady, TripleTickle Disease or TTD.”

“And what is er, TripleTickle Disease?”

“That’s quite easy to explain. It happens when you have three distinct anatomical areas of your body itching simultaneously. One of these areas is inaccessible to your own touch and, of course, having only two hands, you are unable to scratch all three places at the same time. Most annoying and frustrating.”

“That’s TTD?”

“Yes, poor Hucklenose devoted his life to identifying all the variations of TTD. You know, one itch on the small of the back, one behind the knee, and one at the top of the head, and so forth. We have a team of devoted volunteers continuously exploring the different types of TTD.”

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