Friday, September 15, 2006

Chapter 2 - Tom's Foolery (3)

Somewhere at Large had been built recently and everyone and anyone hoped to be seen screaming at the entrance, trying to gain entry. As yet, no-one had gained entry and speculation as to whether the club was in fact open, was a popular pastime in Blinkburg. Sometimes, in the early hours of the morning taciturn, dark-clothed individuals were seen quietly leaving the back entrance of the club and this had opened an interesting line of speculation regarding the possibility that the back entrance was really the main entrance. A cult group, The Backseaters, had been formed and they spread this rather revolutionary thought far and wide. Their pamphlet, ‘Back is better – Could you afford to be in front?’ and campaign slogan ‘Forerunners are backstabbers’ have already won the highest literary award in Landscape, the Plucky.

The Plucky was an award not easily earned. Famous writers, poets, and journalists competed unceasingly for the annual Plucky nominations. Small wonder then that The Backseaters and their enigmatic leader, Slimbo Slink, He Who Tells You What You Want To Hear, soon faced an opposition cult group, Up Front, who published their manifesto, ‘Front and Center – We’ll back you’ in response to the Plucky award won by The Backseaters. In the literary world, however, it was rumoured that Up Front was just a front for PAPA (People Against Plucky Awards), leading to one columnist writing a fiery article headed ‘PAPA don’t preach’.

The street in front of Somewhere at Large was packed with people, many waving placards telling the world in no uncertain terms about the cult they followed. Despite the throng it didn’t take long to spot Dexter and Sinister. Dexter was peacefully sitting in a tree, eating a burger at the Burger Branch while Sinister was screaming and yelling hysterically at the closed main entrance, along with other non-converted wannabe club-goers. It was clear that they had been there for quite a while and had no intention of leaving soon.

Tom and Genius regarded them doubtfully. Was this to be Landscape’s salvation? Could this be the pride and joy, the cream of the crop? Tom and Genius had a right to be doubtful of the would-be saviours of Landscape. The sight of Dexter and Sinister inspired more sentences starting with “homeless and helpless” than with “calm and composed”.

For the sake of the reputation of all of Landscape it would perhaps be better for these agents to remain very, very secret, thought Tom. He recalled a sentence he had read about YAP in the newspaper article: “In choosing these agents a rigid selection process was followed whereby the hunks were separated from the skunks.” They obviously had other plans for the hunks…

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