Saturday, November 04, 2006

Chapter 5 - The Town of Distant Relevance (4)

Just then the voice boomed again: “Four million three hundred and twenty seven!”

“See, we’ve just discovered another variation!”

“And you say Hucklenose succumbed to this, uhm, terrible affliction?”

“Yes, poor Herbert developed several aids to help those with TTD. His most famous invention, the TTE, really made for better lives. Then he …”

“Wait! What is the TTE?”

“Oh, sorry, I forgot you’re new around here. The TTE, or TripleTickle Eliminator was a gadget powered by pedal power which added that extra arm so sorely needed to scratch inaccessible places. As I was saying, Herbert Hucklenose then developed the PTTE and this was an unfortunate mistake. The PTTE was the portable version of the TTE and one day he demonstrated his device in front of a large audience. Something went terribly wrong and Herbert couldn’t shut off the machine. He managed to identify another 376 variations of TTE and some even say that, at times, he hinted at a fourth and even a fifth simultaneous itch, but that could have been hallucinations, you know, before he finally succumbed, poor man. He was buried where he fell, still strapped to the PTTE. Today there is a monument to his honour built right there on the spot.”

“Oh, we’re uhm, sorry to hear that,” said Sinister, uncomfortably.

“Oh, that’s all old history now, you know. But enough of that. You’re here because you need help. Wait, let me guess, you’re worried about those ears of yours.”

“What? No, no! Wait, what’s wrong with my ears?”

“Oh, well, if they don’t bother you…”

“We’re here because my friend is suffering from a terrible problem,” said Sinister quickly, trying to divert attention from his ears. What on earth could be wrong with them?

“And what exactly is your friend’s problem?”

“He is suffering from a guilt experience, I think.”

“Ah, I see, IGS with Remorse. Come on into my office and let’s talk. This is quite a unique affliction. Not well-documented, I’m afraid but I do think there was an article in the Landscape Journal of Maladies and Maladaptations only last month.”

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